10-12-09 What is Wrong With Today

I saw a blind man today

With his dog- walking slowly

I saw a girl today

Opening a door hastily

A library door

The blind man was going inside

He began to enter

And the girl let go

Of the door.

And the door

Hit the man and the dog.

Tiny Sleep

Tiny sleep
Split second dream
Pregnant woman floating
Clouds floating
Stars suspended with strings
Giant cardboard box
A diorama
Child’s homework
Awake
Bleary eyed
Stretch arms
Art History
Chapter 8.

The First Rain 10-13-09

The first rain has arrived
Trees stretch their branches and
Flowers their petals
Bathing in the cold crisp water
Puddles reflect the sun-shining like
Wiggling glass and rivers
Brighter than the muted sun
Shielded by fast moving clouds
Their shapes-peaks of freshly whipped cream
Windshield wipers dance like the outstretched arms
Of ballerinas moving gracefully, executing perfectly
The dance that accompanies
The symphony of Spartacus
That plays on my car stereo.

Aspens Upright

Aspens upright in endless rows
Facing forward in paused march
Forming a pattern in militaristic style
Wind blows their million leaves
They curtain the sky above
Like green’s spectrum on scales
Of a million fish illuminated
Sounds like whispers or sweet beckoning song
Or blood flowing through the veins in my ears
Magnified
This sound draws peace and silence
Washes over me and I am still
Still as the trees’ trunks, swaying
Ever so slightly at the wind’s soft touch

New Eyes

The sky is shades of grey today
Tiny-thin girls walk by with heavy laden footsteps
I see boots over jeans and the wrinkled scarves
That have been pulled from backs of drawers
My eyes see familiar trees and building
Through a new lens, a softer view
This change in the weather brings a
Change in my head, my mind is searching for
Something new and I am finding it in
Everything I see.
Is it the sky that makes me smile as I walk
Is it the cool air pushing into my lungs
Is it the thought of wrapping up in warm
Blankets and scarves and long sleeves
Maybe it is the thought that a new year is approaching
Maybe it is the sun that I know hides behind
The clouds and whispers softly in my ears
Translated by the wind in the trees.

Curves

She bends his words to accommodate her taste
Bends phrases to move and flow with ease
Erases the memories she dares not keep
And finds nothing left but sweet and sour pieces

Bends her mind to fit the mold
Bends her heart to keep it safe
She feels the pain of emptiness and weeps
Tears heavy loaded with fine white powder and blood

Empty sorrow and empty eyes
She searches for a place to hide her hate
She wants to erase herself so
She bends her body to become invisible

And in the mold she fits so well
Perfectly angled and empty inside
Her face a canvas for it to paint
And with that she thinks she may survive

Her fears devour the hope she has
And once again she finds a way
To numb and run and fight and win
The battle with her mind- a loss

Broken down, she kneels
Sick and twisting with the pain
Stabbing, rushing, burns and aches
Crawls underneath her bed and hides
From the beam of sunlight entering through the blinds.

Chemistry

You are never far from my heart
My thoughts contain you as
Petals contain and protect a stamen
I commence to walk with you in dreams
Hand in hand across the sand and skies
Above us fill with alto-cumulus clouds
The heat from the sun barely rivals
The heat between our hands’ embrace
Smiles sweet and soothing are captured
From our lips and imprinted on our souls

You are never far from my heart
And I am with you when you feel alone
I hear you cry out softly from your pillow
And rush to comfort your tormented sleep
Like waves filling a whole in the sand
When it has been opened by tiny hand or foot
Your eyes the blue of freshly fed lakes
They reach for me and hold my own gently
As you pause from a progression of kisses
A dance of two dandelion parachutes entangled

Carry Me 7-21-09

Carry me home.
Home to my sunshine and heat
Home to mornings with dulcet
Birds and sprinklers and faint breezes.
Carry me home to my pale blue
Sheets and pale blue ocean coastlines
That turn into deep blue dreams
Dreams and sun kissed skin and ice cream
Carry me home to the scent of
Oranges and smoke and sea breeze
The scent of a man just back from work
And holding me close to his heart.
Carry me home to stay with you.

New Moon

Distant waters caress the shores
Their rhythmic cadence beckoning me to
Leave my solitude and join them in
Their dance welcoming the new moon.

My silent, motionless upright pose
Held still despite the sensual distraction
Waves upon shores and raindrops gently
Massaging my peacefully resting shoulders.

I feel a growing yearning for
A walk under a deep blue sky
Artfully strewn stars floating like diamonds
In a new moon sewn, umbrella spider web.

Epic dances for evolving constellations
Their steps passing thoughts in my unconscious
Before me contemplated and after as well
These astrological miracles we see in the sky.

Daydream 7-15-09

Standing on the sand, cool water laps at my feet
Nothing but the sound of wind and water
Elements of the origin I suppose
It whispers to me with its gentle tongue
Come in come in the peaceful resting water
No crashing, no turbulence, no peaks
The waves are resting their souls
Centered and serene, I step forward
Feet sink into the wet sand a little deeper
My heart slows to a state of calm
Oh how the tides bring me back
Again and again. Standing on the edge
Of this piece of land and that vast ocean
Cheeks warmed by the sun, feet cooled by the water
My peaceful, quiet place, my escape, my daydream.

Discovery 7-8-09

Wandering the labyrinth in my mind
Walking towards a center which is hard to find
Not looking back- for once it is found
A new path out and homeward bound
Every truth discovered behind a closed door
Leads me smiling in search of more and more
Menageries chronicle battles won and lost
Wire wrapped in roses and shrubs tipped in frost
Long past but never forgotten or dismissed
Places, people, faces that appear in the mist
I lose myself while I revisit my fears
Oh how I hid them for all of these years
Traveling deep into my stifled emotions
The labyrinth is beginning to feel more like an ocean
Just when I’m beginning to think I will drown
Strength from above scoops me up and sets me on dry ground
The center, naked and strong, may be just out of sight
But for now I am bathing in its radiating light.

Inversion 7-8-09

I have inverted

Crawled inside myself
I live in rooms where
There is no sound
Save for my breath

And my heart beat
Teasing me menacingly

Repeatedly
I have drawn back

From the laughter
And the smiles

From the outside
I am blank
I am a robot
I go through the motions
So they say and
I live each day

In wondering state
Will I wake up

From this sleep
Or is it my fate?

Unknowns 6-24-09

Unknowns
Draw lines before I know
What I am creating
Pencil to paper in the
Usual nonchalant style
Swooping lines
Curves mimicking
My thoughts swirling
Like water rippling
Amidst a lake serene
Tip brushing paper lightly
Grey dust scatters slightly
Figures appear and they
Are dancing in time
To their own silent waltz
A scene from a dream
Or a movie I once saw
These dancers are
Unknown to me but
They know each other well
And that is perfection.

I Don't Iron. 6-29-09

I don’t iron. But
I laugh
And sing
And dance
And pray
And say please and thank you
And I love
And smile
And live and breathe
But I don’t iron.

Dream 6-25-09

I dreamed a dream within a dream
Where nothing was really what it seemed
There were chairs made from soft serve cream
And each day and night was torn at the seams.

You rose up from midnight waters
A modern day Poseidon to hopeful daughters
I thought this to be poetic fodder
My cheek your lips did make much hotter.

We danced a dance of celestial kings
And spoke of philosophical things
Your voice a smooth bravado with wings
Around you-an assembly of angels who sing.

My dress had folds of artichoke leaves
And jewels begotten by wayward thieves
And when we chose this place to leave
Ascended to the sky riding on a breeze.

The sea an endless rhythm driven by the moon
Darkness and circumstance it has never known
It lulls me from this dreaming home
And caresses me with its wave formed foam.

Meditation 6-24-09

At rest
Peaceful and still
Yogic pose held intently
Breathe in and out
Quite content to stay
Here for a while
And I choose not to
Close my eyes
Focus on the tiny dots
In the panel
Above my head
Inverted body
Inverted mind
Flowing thoughts
Float by but
Do not stop to bother
Me instead they
Pass without a pause
Breathe in and fill
My open belly, lungs,
Mind, soul
Nourish cells with
Air I concentrate
On the air and
Breathe out.
Still, peaceful
At rest.

Alignment 6-20-09

I ponder
The time
When my heart
And my mind
Are able to
Realign

Will they converse
And intertwine
Or will they
Both burst
And in what time

I ponder their
Battles past
And present
Why is there such
Toil to a descent

I ponder what things
They may have
In common
Do they remember
Ever a time
When they both
Let some love in?

Wonder if
My heart and
My head can
Converge
And if so
Will a new life
For me emerge

Will I appear
Renewed and refreshed
Or war torn
From the battle
And hair all a mess
And face striped
With tears
Or will I
Smile ear to ear.

Searching 6-16-09

Searching for a sign
Of where I am supposed to be
Opening my eyes as wide as I can
But it only makes things more unclear
In the darkness between you and me.

Where is the guiding star
To help me find my way?
Supposed to have found it by now
How am I so confused
I search for clarity by day?

Am I looking too hard for something
That is right in front of me?
Is it right here in my hands
Or slipping from a tight grasp
Though I am trying so desperately.

For I seek to find love and
The peace that is divine
The thing that is intangible
It is the breath of life-
Calming even the most turbulent mind.

In a quest to find the one
Whose hands will hold my heart,
Whose smile is the compliment to mine.
At the moment I find it I believe
My destiny will surely start.

But this search has made me weary
My eyes are in need of rest,
Mind tired of the race to find
The sign, the one, the star
And the end point of the quest.

In the simplest of dreams
We are walking hand in hand
Along a breezy shoreline
With no space between our souls
And no need to understand.

Is this dream the one thing
That could be my guiding star?
My sign that I need search no more
For in this dream I find my peace
Where ever it is you are...

Floating

Balloons floating by
Blue, pink, purple, green.
Colors of flowers unpicked
And thriving.
They float up past me
Past the cloud I float upon.
Dancing in the breeze
And ribbons dangling below
Twisting and spinning
Are they joyous
To be free like me?
My head is light on my body now.

Curious thoughts have brought me
To this place.
How do these clouds not drop
Their tiny tears and just let go?
The moist soft featherweight air
Blankets, comforts, frees my soul.

Balloons pop through like
Tiny faces in peephole windows.
Are the balloons home?
Is this their final destination?
They may be just like us,
Given birth at random points
Of excitement and love.
Some set free immediately,
Some wait and die slowly
With those who love them dearly.
And in the end
We all yearn to be here
In the clouds
Floating, dancing, joyous.

Dreaming 6-16-09

What dream is this?
Have I left home
And traveled somehow to
A place I never knew?

Have I awakened
Here next to you?
Opened my eyes
And didn't realize.

Or am I still in slumber?
Dreaming of this day
My body lies
While my soul flies.

The sun is radiating
Warmth and light from above
Brings about a pair of spider-web wings
As I dream of saccharine things.

A dream of love
That centers my mind.
My wings are strong
So as my heart deep in song.

What dream is this?
That has brought to me
Peace and hope aligned
Within the eyes I wake to find.

4:30am

4:30am

I lie here staring from the corner
Of my eyes at the window in my
Really quite comfortable bed
Just the right warmth
Blankets enveloping me.
It should not be so hard to sleep.
My mind is alert, though
My eyes are mad at me
For opening them too soon.
They sting and my lashes are heavy.
I know I am excited for
I would not be in this state if
I was not in anticipation of wings.

In anticipation of wings
I have grown restless and wiggle
In my bed and my skin
And in my brain.
So excited to fly.
So excited to be free.
So, I toss and turn and
Am too awake to sleep.
All in anticipation of wings.

He

Turned me on with a flick of his eyes
Horn rimmed with silver shiny excitement
A new kind of heat radiating now
From that spot I had begun to think
Had grown cold and given up
So excited though I don't know
If he feels the same. Wonder-
Was that a look of amalgamation
Or just a bit of sheer confusion?

Knew how to push the surface buttons
To make me want to play along
And I in a fit of renewed flirtation
I think I remember the tune of this song.
I stare too long with bedroom eyes
Until he breaks and looks away
A look from him to rival mine
Would surely be the end of something
Or possibly the start, could be...

Is it a symmetrical attraction?
Both waiting for one to make a move
Our playful, childlike interaction
Comes close to mimicry of animalistic games
Unsatisfied now I am somewhat confused
For as I walk away distracted
The words stuck in my throat, I wonder
Is he is a similar state of aspiration
Or am I fighting a bit of delusion?

Stepford Training 6-8-09

Her naivete was unbecoming
Even in the most prim of situations
For her plastic smile and other things
Gave away her scheming plot
And unveiled her desire
For the most materialistic winnings.

Misguided aggression forced inward
Tiny blade against forced taut skin
Tiny pills down her throat
To have the tiny waist
To fit the dress
That everyone is wearing this season.

Tears stream down in bathroom stalls
When houses are empty long after
Her picture perfect man has forgotten
His little princess bride at home.
Run, tan, lacquer, smile.

Grandma

So slow
Days filled with gliding motions
Around the tiny house
Back and forth
Feet shuffle, walker squeaks
Constant hum and tiny voices in her head
She answers them
I am sure
Always waiting, always hoping
Thought we'd get some company today
She says
Looks out the window again
No one there again

Open 6-1-09

Energy racing through my veins
Like white powder but without the name.
Legs and finger move on their own
Racing until I am safe at home.
Does this come from just inside?
Where is my safe place to hide?
Feels like I could hurt someone
It ruins me, I come undone.
Skin is itching and hair pulled out,
I wonder what it is all about.
Anger at myself runs deep
For promises I failed to keep.
All this force is such a waste
Turned inside with hateful haste.
No chance of sleep or peaceful dreaming
Erratic thoughts are constantly streaming.
Head feels heavy, body light
Where did I lose control tonight?

Darkness 5-28-09

Drawn to the macabre like
Flies to the light
Darkness surrounds
But your force is so bright.
Wings turn to dust
At the grasp of the moth
Strength is expressed
Push my face to the cloth.
Black and red silk
Surrounds my nude form
Pain in my wrists
While I writhe in this storm.
Loving each minute
As you give the orders
Neck shrinks in hands
My breath becomes shorter.
Darkness a mask
For our sinister game
Love and hate sometimes
Are one in the same.

Robots 5-18-09

Mechanical movements draw his eyes
Her hips a twisting washing machine drum.
She cannot know her machines workings
They draw from him an automatic reaction
His switch flipped up and
His body turned on
He finds this electric current flowing
Ands he joins in the connection.
He wraps his arms in sudden yearning
Around this mechanical seductress
How has she brought out this robot
With her false misleading direction.
An empty robot with perfect proportions
Her shell the only tool of seduction.
Connections lost once filled by erection
And once again she heads out for completion.
Her hips twist like a washing machine drum.
These mechanical movements draw the eyes.

Words 5-12-09

These words flow smooth from my lips like
Water streaming down the backs of legs in the shower.
Rhymes, rhythm, verses run out like
Children fly out onto the playground after class.
This is my craft, my wood I am carving
It's molded in my mind like clay shaped by my fingers.
Words shift and dance and play among my thoughts
Tumble onto paper and keyboard and appear in front of me
As if they were brought there by magic.
Passionate words come out quick and sharp
Like breath when fists hit chests,
Forced forward by no choice of the owner
And drawn back but not completely, not mine anymore.
Each line a string from my heart drawn out
And curved and sewn into a fabric of unknown design.
My words are my dreams, my life, my memories
They choose me, I do not own them any more than
A songbird owns its song or a chameleon owns its color.
My words are little rivers given to me to release
And let flow out into the world to refresh and restore.

Peace 5-12-09

In an age of overindulgence and
Too tan too skinny too everything
Women wearing rocks
Too heavy for dainty fingers

They play too hard and their men
Too proud to want more
Than pretty faces with
Too much paint too much counterfeit

I search for something more-something
Too serene too calm too easy
And I find it comes to me in silence
Sits and waits too patiently even
And I feel it fits and I love it

And I crawl too slowly towards it
Does it think I am hunting it?
Too hungry for that peace
I cry invisible tears
Draw in invisible breath
So as to not disturb the calm

To wake the noise would be a crime
So I perch like a tiny bird
Next to it and pray
That it does not run away.

Blades of Grass 5-5-09

If every face were but a blade of grass
The world would be a sea of green and glass
Walls built up by differences would not last
Blown in the wind, as memories of the past.

And every time the rain fell to the earth
We all would equally embrace its worth
For it would be our vital nourishment
The water washing over in sacrament.

As each sunrise and sunset plays its part
Our waking moments signal a fresh start
Growth coming from an effort all as one
To reach the breeze that carries to us the sun.

Our lives would be combined as sand and seed
And new hope almost could be guaranteed
No discrimination and a love so vast
Because in one family we would be cast.