Daydream 7-15-09

Standing on the sand, cool water laps at my feet
Nothing but the sound of wind and water
Elements of the origin I suppose
It whispers to me with its gentle tongue
Come in come in the peaceful resting water
No crashing, no turbulence, no peaks
The waves are resting their souls
Centered and serene, I step forward
Feet sink into the wet sand a little deeper
My heart slows to a state of calm
Oh how the tides bring me back
Again and again. Standing on the edge
Of this piece of land and that vast ocean
Cheeks warmed by the sun, feet cooled by the water
My peaceful, quiet place, my escape, my daydream.

Discovery 7-8-09

Wandering the labyrinth in my mind
Walking towards a center which is hard to find
Not looking back- for once it is found
A new path out and homeward bound
Every truth discovered behind a closed door
Leads me smiling in search of more and more
Menageries chronicle battles won and lost
Wire wrapped in roses and shrubs tipped in frost
Long past but never forgotten or dismissed
Places, people, faces that appear in the mist
I lose myself while I revisit my fears
Oh how I hid them for all of these years
Traveling deep into my stifled emotions
The labyrinth is beginning to feel more like an ocean
Just when I’m beginning to think I will drown
Strength from above scoops me up and sets me on dry ground
The center, naked and strong, may be just out of sight
But for now I am bathing in its radiating light.

Inversion 7-8-09

I have inverted

Crawled inside myself
I live in rooms where
There is no sound
Save for my breath

And my heart beat
Teasing me menacingly

Repeatedly
I have drawn back

From the laughter
And the smiles

From the outside
I am blank
I am a robot
I go through the motions
So they say and
I live each day

In wondering state
Will I wake up

From this sleep
Or is it my fate?

Unknowns 6-24-09

Unknowns
Draw lines before I know
What I am creating
Pencil to paper in the
Usual nonchalant style
Swooping lines
Curves mimicking
My thoughts swirling
Like water rippling
Amidst a lake serene
Tip brushing paper lightly
Grey dust scatters slightly
Figures appear and they
Are dancing in time
To their own silent waltz
A scene from a dream
Or a movie I once saw
These dancers are
Unknown to me but
They know each other well
And that is perfection.

I Don't Iron. 6-29-09

I don’t iron. But
I laugh
And sing
And dance
And pray
And say please and thank you
And I love
And smile
And live and breathe
But I don’t iron.

Dream 6-25-09

I dreamed a dream within a dream
Where nothing was really what it seemed
There were chairs made from soft serve cream
And each day and night was torn at the seams.

You rose up from midnight waters
A modern day Poseidon to hopeful daughters
I thought this to be poetic fodder
My cheek your lips did make much hotter.

We danced a dance of celestial kings
And spoke of philosophical things
Your voice a smooth bravado with wings
Around you-an assembly of angels who sing.

My dress had folds of artichoke leaves
And jewels begotten by wayward thieves
And when we chose this place to leave
Ascended to the sky riding on a breeze.

The sea an endless rhythm driven by the moon
Darkness and circumstance it has never known
It lulls me from this dreaming home
And caresses me with its wave formed foam.

Meditation 6-24-09

At rest
Peaceful and still
Yogic pose held intently
Breathe in and out
Quite content to stay
Here for a while
And I choose not to
Close my eyes
Focus on the tiny dots
In the panel
Above my head
Inverted body
Inverted mind
Flowing thoughts
Float by but
Do not stop to bother
Me instead they
Pass without a pause
Breathe in and fill
My open belly, lungs,
Mind, soul
Nourish cells with
Air I concentrate
On the air and
Breathe out.
Still, peaceful
At rest.

Alignment 6-20-09

I ponder
The time
When my heart
And my mind
Are able to
Realign

Will they converse
And intertwine
Or will they
Both burst
And in what time

I ponder their
Battles past
And present
Why is there such
Toil to a descent

I ponder what things
They may have
In common
Do they remember
Ever a time
When they both
Let some love in?

Wonder if
My heart and
My head can
Converge
And if so
Will a new life
For me emerge

Will I appear
Renewed and refreshed
Or war torn
From the battle
And hair all a mess
And face striped
With tears
Or will I
Smile ear to ear.

Searching 6-16-09

Searching for a sign
Of where I am supposed to be
Opening my eyes as wide as I can
But it only makes things more unclear
In the darkness between you and me.

Where is the guiding star
To help me find my way?
Supposed to have found it by now
How am I so confused
I search for clarity by day?

Am I looking too hard for something
That is right in front of me?
Is it right here in my hands
Or slipping from a tight grasp
Though I am trying so desperately.

For I seek to find love and
The peace that is divine
The thing that is intangible
It is the breath of life-
Calming even the most turbulent mind.

In a quest to find the one
Whose hands will hold my heart,
Whose smile is the compliment to mine.
At the moment I find it I believe
My destiny will surely start.

But this search has made me weary
My eyes are in need of rest,
Mind tired of the race to find
The sign, the one, the star
And the end point of the quest.

In the simplest of dreams
We are walking hand in hand
Along a breezy shoreline
With no space between our souls
And no need to understand.

Is this dream the one thing
That could be my guiding star?
My sign that I need search no more
For in this dream I find my peace
Where ever it is you are...

Floating

Balloons floating by
Blue, pink, purple, green.
Colors of flowers unpicked
And thriving.
They float up past me
Past the cloud I float upon.
Dancing in the breeze
And ribbons dangling below
Twisting and spinning
Are they joyous
To be free like me?
My head is light on my body now.

Curious thoughts have brought me
To this place.
How do these clouds not drop
Their tiny tears and just let go?
The moist soft featherweight air
Blankets, comforts, frees my soul.

Balloons pop through like
Tiny faces in peephole windows.
Are the balloons home?
Is this their final destination?
They may be just like us,
Given birth at random points
Of excitement and love.
Some set free immediately,
Some wait and die slowly
With those who love them dearly.
And in the end
We all yearn to be here
In the clouds
Floating, dancing, joyous.

Dreaming 6-16-09

What dream is this?
Have I left home
And traveled somehow to
A place I never knew?

Have I awakened
Here next to you?
Opened my eyes
And didn't realize.

Or am I still in slumber?
Dreaming of this day
My body lies
While my soul flies.

The sun is radiating
Warmth and light from above
Brings about a pair of spider-web wings
As I dream of saccharine things.

A dream of love
That centers my mind.
My wings are strong
So as my heart deep in song.

What dream is this?
That has brought to me
Peace and hope aligned
Within the eyes I wake to find.

4:30am

4:30am

I lie here staring from the corner
Of my eyes at the window in my
Really quite comfortable bed
Just the right warmth
Blankets enveloping me.
It should not be so hard to sleep.
My mind is alert, though
My eyes are mad at me
For opening them too soon.
They sting and my lashes are heavy.
I know I am excited for
I would not be in this state if
I was not in anticipation of wings.

In anticipation of wings
I have grown restless and wiggle
In my bed and my skin
And in my brain.
So excited to fly.
So excited to be free.
So, I toss and turn and
Am too awake to sleep.
All in anticipation of wings.

He

Turned me on with a flick of his eyes
Horn rimmed with silver shiny excitement
A new kind of heat radiating now
From that spot I had begun to think
Had grown cold and given up
So excited though I don't know
If he feels the same. Wonder-
Was that a look of amalgamation
Or just a bit of sheer confusion?

Knew how to push the surface buttons
To make me want to play along
And I in a fit of renewed flirtation
I think I remember the tune of this song.
I stare too long with bedroom eyes
Until he breaks and looks away
A look from him to rival mine
Would surely be the end of something
Or possibly the start, could be...

Is it a symmetrical attraction?
Both waiting for one to make a move
Our playful, childlike interaction
Comes close to mimicry of animalistic games
Unsatisfied now I am somewhat confused
For as I walk away distracted
The words stuck in my throat, I wonder
Is he is a similar state of aspiration
Or am I fighting a bit of delusion?

Stepford Training 6-8-09

Her naivete was unbecoming
Even in the most prim of situations
For her plastic smile and other things
Gave away her scheming plot
And unveiled her desire
For the most materialistic winnings.

Misguided aggression forced inward
Tiny blade against forced taut skin
Tiny pills down her throat
To have the tiny waist
To fit the dress
That everyone is wearing this season.

Tears stream down in bathroom stalls
When houses are empty long after
Her picture perfect man has forgotten
His little princess bride at home.
Run, tan, lacquer, smile.

Grandma

So slow
Days filled with gliding motions
Around the tiny house
Back and forth
Feet shuffle, walker squeaks
Constant hum and tiny voices in her head
She answers them
I am sure
Always waiting, always hoping
Thought we'd get some company today
She says
Looks out the window again
No one there again

Open 6-1-09

Energy racing through my veins
Like white powder but without the name.
Legs and finger move on their own
Racing until I am safe at home.
Does this come from just inside?
Where is my safe place to hide?
Feels like I could hurt someone
It ruins me, I come undone.
Skin is itching and hair pulled out,
I wonder what it is all about.
Anger at myself runs deep
For promises I failed to keep.
All this force is such a waste
Turned inside with hateful haste.
No chance of sleep or peaceful dreaming
Erratic thoughts are constantly streaming.
Head feels heavy, body light
Where did I lose control tonight?

Darkness 5-28-09

Drawn to the macabre like
Flies to the light
Darkness surrounds
But your force is so bright.
Wings turn to dust
At the grasp of the moth
Strength is expressed
Push my face to the cloth.
Black and red silk
Surrounds my nude form
Pain in my wrists
While I writhe in this storm.
Loving each minute
As you give the orders
Neck shrinks in hands
My breath becomes shorter.
Darkness a mask
For our sinister game
Love and hate sometimes
Are one in the same.

Robots 5-18-09

Mechanical movements draw his eyes
Her hips a twisting washing machine drum.
She cannot know her machines workings
They draw from him an automatic reaction
His switch flipped up and
His body turned on
He finds this electric current flowing
Ands he joins in the connection.
He wraps his arms in sudden yearning
Around this mechanical seductress
How has she brought out this robot
With her false misleading direction.
An empty robot with perfect proportions
Her shell the only tool of seduction.
Connections lost once filled by erection
And once again she heads out for completion.
Her hips twist like a washing machine drum.
These mechanical movements draw the eyes.

Words 5-12-09

These words flow smooth from my lips like
Water streaming down the backs of legs in the shower.
Rhymes, rhythm, verses run out like
Children fly out onto the playground after class.
This is my craft, my wood I am carving
It's molded in my mind like clay shaped by my fingers.
Words shift and dance and play among my thoughts
Tumble onto paper and keyboard and appear in front of me
As if they were brought there by magic.
Passionate words come out quick and sharp
Like breath when fists hit chests,
Forced forward by no choice of the owner
And drawn back but not completely, not mine anymore.
Each line a string from my heart drawn out
And curved and sewn into a fabric of unknown design.
My words are my dreams, my life, my memories
They choose me, I do not own them any more than
A songbird owns its song or a chameleon owns its color.
My words are little rivers given to me to release
And let flow out into the world to refresh and restore.

Peace 5-12-09

In an age of overindulgence and
Too tan too skinny too everything
Women wearing rocks
Too heavy for dainty fingers

They play too hard and their men
Too proud to want more
Than pretty faces with
Too much paint too much counterfeit

I search for something more-something
Too serene too calm too easy
And I find it comes to me in silence
Sits and waits too patiently even
And I feel it fits and I love it

And I crawl too slowly towards it
Does it think I am hunting it?
Too hungry for that peace
I cry invisible tears
Draw in invisible breath
So as to not disturb the calm

To wake the noise would be a crime
So I perch like a tiny bird
Next to it and pray
That it does not run away.

Blades of Grass 5-5-09

If every face were but a blade of grass
The world would be a sea of green and glass
Walls built up by differences would not last
Blown in the wind, as memories of the past.

And every time the rain fell to the earth
We all would equally embrace its worth
For it would be our vital nourishment
The water washing over in sacrament.

As each sunrise and sunset plays its part
Our waking moments signal a fresh start
Growth coming from an effort all as one
To reach the breeze that carries to us the sun.

Our lives would be combined as sand and seed
And new hope almost could be guaranteed
No discrimination and a love so vast
Because in one family we would be cast.

Hot Day 4-21-09

Sunshine on my face
Like a million spicy kisses or
Like wasabi on my sushi
Hitting lips and stinging.
Shoulders turning pinkish brown
And heated breasts in swimsuits.
This hot day is made better
When I sink into the pool-
Like a fish returning home.

Your legs dangle in the water
Chlorine keeps it clear enough
Like doctored toxic liquid.
Not blue but the sun hits it
And creates rippling of light color.
Splashes make tiny waves
And they’re tickling my ribs.
I am not all the way in-
It's cold against my belly
An awakening of my senses.

Kids jumping in lines, holding hands,
No fear of the brisk deeper water.
Screams and shrieks fill the air,
Wish it would be still but there’s
No stopping the commotion.
I know it's the joy of the sun
On this day, this time of year,
Heat on an almost-summer day.

Women in rows on lounge chairs
Like newborn chicks waiting for worms.
Silent fights over the best angle
Keep their conversation distant.
Sunning shoulders, cheeks and tops
Of feet and thighs, lying on towels
Like floating on magic carpets.
They hope for something magic while
Their kids are dancing happy.

Hot Day, I in the water wading.
You on the side of the pool smiling.
And we soak up midday sun.

I Bleed Red 4-27-09

I bleed red
red roses
They fall from my knee,
the palm of my hand.
Red roses fall in bunches
hit the ground
and I pluck them up.
Gather them into a bouquet
and hand them to you.
A gift, red roses,
life flowing out of me,
pooling, cooling instantly.
Beautiful but dead immediately.
Forced to leave quickly,
as skin opens up like
a tiny crack,
a doorway to my heart.
Here are your red roses,
I hope you enjoy them
before they crumble.

Noon Sun

They lay on the driveway,
Unafraid of big black rubber and metal.
They arch their backs in perfect-formed yoga poses.
They sun themselves with no concern
For skin cancer or wrinkles.
Eat crawling insects and
Chomp wings with invisible teeth.
Their eyes closed tight and tails gone limp.
Not a concern in the world but
The passing of an unexpected cloud.
These tiny majestic rough skinned lizards,
Their moment of peace a dream of mine.

I Fly 4-20-09

I am black.
Not thought of in high regard.
Sometimes even hated.
I am the subject of scary movies and
Nightmares of one kind or another.
I scavenge and search for a place
In a world full of color and beauty.
My face is not so different
Yet it is not noticed against
A backdrop of sky.
You look up and see me
Turn your face away as if
Disgusted by my presence.
I do not ask anything more of you
Than any other yet
You seem so annoyed.
Why is this
Such a sad state of life for me?
Why care what you think?
If only you could see the beauty underneath
My feathers.
I am a crow, I fly
and you walk.

Fear of Heights 4-11-09

My fear of heights is revealed
While hiking with my daughter
As I watch her footsteps
More carefully than my own.
Listen to her shoes against
Gravel, sand, grass, and mud.
Streams crossed carelessly
Like a balance beam, while I
Hold my breath and pray for
Weighted steps.
She pounds her walking stick in play,
I am grateful it will scare away
Hidden critters.
My inner thoughts disguised by
Approving words and praise at
How easily she makes the climb.
This fearless adventurer child,
With mother behind her
Arms and body bracing
Just in case.

Winds

In the beginning I think.
The winds bring melancholy
Twist my thoughts and turn them into a paper airplane
They are sailing away and I grab the tail.
I am forced to ride but
Find I am not afraid.
The wind does not look back
The wind knows where it is going.
It has never been wrong
Though man's dreams have gotten in its way.
I let the wind lift me and am enlightened
Light as a feather floating amongst the clouds
Riding the blueprints carried by the wind.

Stained Glass Window 4-4-09

Reflection in a stained glass window
Distorted, broken into fragments
And made beautiful with color and light.
Image of an angel and a baby

With my eyes and hands and arms mixed in.
Do you see me through the glass?
Can you see me looking at myself-

From the other side of the window?
I see you staring up at me
And the angel and the baby, we
Are as one for just this minute.
We are beautiful mixed together.
Do not separate the colors,
Do not pull us apart.
My reflection in the stained glass window
Is who I see myself to be-
Angel, child, and woman bathed in light.

My Strength

I see my strength in my daughter’s eyes.
Reflected so clearly when I hold her tight.
She knows she is safe within arm’s reach,
And looks to me in the moments I teach.

I see my strength when I walk through a new door
Never stop moving forward or wanting more.
I find strength in a desire to learn new things
And the freedom that knowledge and wisdom can bring.

I see my strength in the soles of my shoes,
Worn down from running and miles of use.
I run to release whatever is inside
And I run to feel the power in my stride.

I see my strength in the friends that I keep
And the happiness and love that sings us to sleep.
We find strength in laughing with an open heart
And it stays with us always, even where we’re apart.

I see my strength in the love I pour out
For the strongest of men know that’s what life is about.
Love is the strongest of ties, we all know
And the truth about love is that it makes us glow.

Haikus

One bead of sweat drips.
He wipes it away and sighs-
Wish we had A.C.


Glancing through the blinds,
Spider on the other side--
Seems without a web.


Locked out of the house
I am standing here naked
Now I am in trouble.


Five small butterflies
Spin silently above me—
I am still awake.